Judgment vs Discernment in Divorce
Dealing with judgment is not easy for most people. A person who feels like they're being judged may feel vulnerable, but a person who senses themself judging someone else might experience disappointment or even guilt. For co-parents, it's not uncommon for judgment to come into play in many different situations. A parent may find themself having judgmental thoughts about the other parent while, at the same time, they are also feeling like they are being consistently criticized and judged by the other parent. Judging or being judged can keep one’s mind more focused on what the problem is rather than how it might be fixed. While it's difficult to simply stop making evaluations and assessing situations, there are more constructive ways of doing so.
In a recent article on the subject, Karen McMahon of Journey Beyond Divorce writes about how frequently she works with clients who are grappling with judgment circling their circumstances. She says, "I invite them to be discerning rather than judgmental and have found that there is significant confusion around these two words, what they mean and what the difference is." As she explains, being judgmental makes us see the world critically but often negatively, and it can affect our mood and the way we think about solving problems. On the other hand, being discerning allows us to be neutral as we view situations while also considering solutions along the way. Read this article and learn more about the differences between being judgmental versus discerning.
When co-parents are constantly in conflict, it's easy for bitterness and judgmental thoughts to enter the situation. This can make it hard to not only co-parent effectively, but it can also increase the risk of impacting the children negatively. Although there are a number of reasons that might have lead to the conflict between co-parents, poor communication only perpetuates it. Having all of the facts and important details straight concerning parenting topics also helps to decrease judgment and conflict. In this situation, tools that support clear, unambiguous communication can help. The OurFamilyWizard® website offers a toolset that encourages the sharing of complete, timely information in such a way that is organized and easy for parents to access when they need it. Simple and precise parenting time change requests, documented reimbursement requests, and thoroughly-documented messaging are just some of the tools that OFW® provides to help parents communicate clearly and with more discernment as well as understanding.
Making the change from being judgmental to being discerning can be made easier when you have the right tools at your disposal to support your efforts. Create an OFW® account and help your family get started today.