How Amanda Manages High-Conflict Co-Parenting Communication by Using OurFamilyWizard for Messaging

Four years ago, Amanda’s attorney recommended that she and her co-parent start using OurFamilyWizard. “The courts use OurFamilyWizard, and it’s respected there,” he said. 

“I didn't know much about it,” Amanda says. “But then, as we’ve gone along, I'm definitely glad this is how we communicate.” 

Messaging more calmly on OurFamilyWizard 

“We strictly communicate through OurFamilyWizard, and only OurFamilyWizard, unless it's an emergency with the children,” says Amanda.  

Before OurFamilyWizard, it was easy to respond to messages in the heat of the moment—which usually didn’t work out very well. Now, with the app, it’s easier to take a beat and respond more thoughtfully.  

“Don’t respond back right away when your emotions are high,” Amanda suggests. “Go ahead and type it all out, write everything down, but save it as a draft. Come back to it tomorrow, reread it. Get your thoughts clear and then review it—make sure it’s respectful.”  

Amanda likes looking at OurFamilyWizard’s ToneMeter™ tool, which highlights spots in her messages that could increase conflict. She also uses a BIFF style of communication: brief, informative, friendly, and firm 

“Hopefully, your problems can get resolved easier that way,” she says. 

Before OurFamilyWizard, “It was very hard for me to get my emotions and my point across, when we would go to court. And now it's been easier to kind of prove what kind of person this is, when dealing with court situations. Because you just go back and look at the messages and it shows that I've tried to work with him. I've been pretty reasonable, offered solutions, and it's just all proof—and it can't be altered.” 

Woman on couch, looking at her phone seriously.

Getting support from a parenting facilitator through OurFamilyWizard  

Another way Amanda resolves problems is through working with a parenting facilitator, a neutral third-party professional who helps co-parents resolve day-to-day issues. Amanda and her co-parent have added their parenting facilitator to OurFamilyWizard through its Professional Access feature.  

“It’s been very helpful that she’s able to log on and review what kind of communication is going on. How are we talking to each other? Is there anything we need to improve? What are our current problems?” 

Amanda, her co-parent, and her parent facilitator meet monthly to work through issues. “We’ve been trying to work on trusting each other again and finding ways to clearly communicate without getting emotions involved. She helps us figure out, what kind of questions do we actually need to be bugging each other about? What's important, what's not important? 

“Basically, we’re trying to stay out of, ‘I'm just going to go run to the court or my attorney and threaten this, this, and that.’ So we are trying to work on co-parenting, but it's been stuck at Camp Conflict for quite some time.” 

Despite the conflict, the parenting facilitator provides a layer of protection. “If we are wanting to file anything, we have to run it by the parent facilitator first,” Amanda explains. The parenting facilitator can review their communication on the topic before making a decision. “I really like this system,” Amanda adds. 

Calm communication and a paper trail  

“I recommend OurFamilyWizard all the time,” Amanda says. “Because you can write down everything, go back, and review it, instead of saying things in the heat of the moment over the phone or through text messaging.  

“Also, it just keeps track and keeps a paper trail of what's said to each other, for proof in court. I feel like overall, it just protects you.” 

We’ve changed the names of the parents and children mentioned in this story to protect their privacy.