Zach’s OurFamilyWizard Story: "Sustainable Co-Parenting” with a Difficult Co-Parenting Situation

“I don't think that any of us are really aware, when you're going through a divorce proceeding, how bad it could possibly get,” says Zach, a divorced parent who has one daughter, 7-year-old Grace.  

“At first you think, ‘Oh, this is a relief. I'm out of this bad situation.’ But then it's like, ‘No, it's a whole different can of worms when you get out of it, as then you're co-parenting with that person.’” 

Co-parenting before OurFamilyWizard was “pretty contentious,” says Zach. “Exiting out of a divorce but maintaining a co-parenting relationship with someone who carries over the negativity in the marriage to raising a child, got to a point to where communication with my ex was impossible. There was no ability on her side to send me any messages that were just solely about our daughter. The gateway was our daughter, and then here were the messages that were weaponizing our daughter, continuing the pattern experienced in our marriage.” 
 

Discovering OurFamilyWizard  

A friend who was also going through a contentious divorce told Zach about OurFamilyWizard. “I did some research on it. I'll never forget it—I was having lunch by myself, and just feeling distraught: ‘Is this going to be the rest of my life, until my daughter's 18?! This is not really what I want out of life!’ But my research showed that this is the key to hope and peace and happiness in moving forward.” 

Divorces are common, Zach points out. “Things don't work out. But you shouldn't be reminded every day, just because you have a child together, why things didn't work out. We get divorced for a reason, and really, when you have a child together, then you need to be in the business of raising that child.” OurFamilyWizard helps maintain a businesslike frame of mind. 

He told his co-parent that they would exclusively use the app to communicate. “But sometimes,” he said, “she would still text or email or call. I don't like to come at conflict with conflict. So in a spirit of maintaining boundaries, I would send a gentle reminder, ‘We need to guide the conversation back to the app.’” 
 

Co-parenting with OurFamilyWizard: No longer living with fear 

“Co-parenting would not have been sustainable without this app, and that's just the truth of it,” says Zach. “The biggest difference since using the app is that I'm not living in fear. I know this sounds extreme, but unfortunately it is the reality. I'm not living in fear of harassment, threats, or disruptions to pick-ups and drop-offs or custody arrangements that are already in our parenting plan.  

“I love having the peace of mind that when I check this app, that feeling of having a pit in my stomach goes away. For me, it's peace. You don't really understand how important peace is to your day-to-day in your life until it's gone.  

Zach adds, “I'm a busy working dad, and if I look down at my phone, I know that the times that I'm going to be confronted with some sort of threat or harassment are minimalized. So the biggest one is peace of mind.” 
 

Staying above the fray 

“Another benefit of the app is that the door swings both ways,” Zach explains. “Not only is my co-parent held to a standard, but I am as well. So for me, it allowed me to kind of keep above the fray, because I knew what the app was all about.  

“I knew that the app was trackable and could be used in a court proceeding. It was a reminder to not engage, to be on your best behavior.” The ToneMeter really helps with that, Zach adds. 

“The other person's going to do what they're going to do, no matter what, but as long as I maintain a standard and keep everything communicative about our daughter, I know that I'm being as healthy of a co-parent as I can possibly be.” 
 

Picking up where the parenting plan leaves off 

Another benefit of OurFamilyWizard, Zach explains, is that it goes deeper and farther than the parenting plan. “Your parenting plan can be the best-laid plans, but when you spill out of mediation, you have to deal with your co-parent’s feelings of contempt, possibly using your child as a pawn versus seeing them as a human, and denial of free will, both for the co-parent and the child. So there's any number of things that can kind of be manipulated when there's a gray area.  

“By pulling OurFamilyWizard into our equation, it has reduced the gray areas that came out of our parenting plan. It brings some granularity to real life and real-time challenges. It's just a deeper level that OurFamilyWizard can go to.” 
 

Using the Calendar to minimize messaging 

“I really like the planning feature, the Calendar,” Zach adds. “As a busy dad, I live by my work calendar. My daughter is really my personal life, so keeping track of camps and picks-up and drop-offs is crucial. “It cuts down on any other ancillary communication. You plug in an event, plug in a day and a time, and that circumvents any need to send a message. Which then in turn circumvents any possible opportunities for manipulation or conflict.  

“In the summertime, it's been really great for researching and organizing camps, and paying for them. Keeping track of custody time, summer vacations, activities—it brings a lot of peace of mind, not only knowing my calendar today, but then also knowing it's all in place; the next 3, 4 months are planned.” 
 

Wrapping up the custody case 

Zach and his co-parent just wrapped a two-and-a-half-year custody case.  

Zach was grateful for OurFamilyWizard. “It was a game changer for my custody case, because the truth was there. When you have one parent that's being as grey rock and amicable as possible, and you have another person who uses every opportunity to attack and threaten, it showcases the realistic dichotomy going on.” 
 

Relying on OurFamilyWizard to make co-parenting easier 

“I think just the reduction of the shenanigans has been nice,” he adds. “If my co-parent and I were emailing or texting or calling still, I can't imagine where my life would be without OurFamilyWizard, and having some sort of a buffer.  

“OurFamilyWizard is the only way—when you have a contentious divorce, and that spills out into years—to be able to be sustainable in your co-parenting, and to hopefully mitigate any impact that will fall upon your child. It allows for your child to still have a robust, wonderful life.”