What Kids Take Away From Their Parents' Divorce

When parents make the decision to separate or divorce, the impact is felt by the entire family. Kids, in particular, experience their parents' divorce in such a way that affects their lives now and through adulthood. As Certified Divorce Coach Laura Bonarrigo puts it, "Children are not ever too young to experience divorce. It colors their lives, their relationships, future lovers, their interpretation of monogamy and commitment and the institution of marriage, even their own self-esteem."

Many parents in this situation may be wondering not only what kind of effect this will have on their children, but also what their kids will take away from it. Having experienced her parents' divorce as a child and her own later in life, Bonarrigo understands the impact of divorce from both perspectives. In an article titled "What Am I Teaching My Children by Getting a Divorce?" she focuses on what kids can take away from experiencing their parents' divorce. She writes, "There are three sides to every story, and your child's experience of divorce is valid, real and critically important."

One matter that Bonarrigo discusses is the importance of allowing children to experience both of their parents. At times, disputes between parents lead one or both to use their children as pawns in order to get something or get back at each other. This is unhealthy and puts the children right in the middle of parental conflict. As long as safety is not an issue, children should have the chance to build a relationship with each of their parents without having to think twice about it. While the stress of communicating with each other might make some parents want to disconnect entirely, raising children together makes this a remote possibility. Therefore, it is important for parents to find a better way to manage their interactions with less conflict and dedicate more time to healing individually from the divorce. 

The way that parents communicate teaches kids about how they should interact with others. With that in mind, parents who are often dealing with conflict should seek ways to improve their communication. The tools offered by the OurFamilyWizard® website can help parents do just this by providing them with tools to focus their discussions on the relevant topics concerning their children. Templates within the parenting time calendar, expense log, and information bank get parents past the narrative that often leads to excess conflict. Using these tools, parents have a better chance at resolving issues on their own and attaining a more amicable way of communicating. Parents who spend less time dealing with divorce conflict have more time to center their focus on growing into their new lives, as well as helping their children to heal and take away a more positive lesson from this experience.