Boundaries for Children

Boundaries taught to children by their parents contain important lessons that will carry with them through adulthood. For parents, however, enforcing boundaries for children can feel difficult or sometimes altogether impossible. Children have a tendency to push buttons and resist control, and while this isn't abnormal, it is up to their parents to promote appropriate boundaries for their children. Consider these approaches to help in creating and enforcing boundaries for children.

Dedicate Yourself To Teaching Boundaries

Children are not the only ones who may be resisting boundaries and preventing them from being executed. Parents themselves play a big role in how well kids follow rules. When a parent is more concerned about keeping their child happy and always pleased, boundaries may be lacking. Feelings of parental anxiety and always wanting to make the situation better for a child can end up pushing the rules by the wayside in order to please the child. While it might be easier just to let the child get their way, enforcing boundaries when necessary is actually in their favor. Boundaries can teach children lessons about all sorts of things such as politeness, privacy, and safety. 

As a parent, dedicate yourself to setting clear rules for your children that are easy to follow. It is not doing your children any favors to let them get their way all of the time. If they take that lesson into adulthood, it could have concerning consequences and even affect their futures. Be clear with your kids as to what the consequences will be for crossing boundaries and breaking rules. Remain confident in your role as the parent, and have trust that your children will learn to accept these boundaries with time even if they struggle at first. 

Don't Make Things Too Complicated

Boundaries for children should be easy for them to understand. Too many specifics about what they can and can't do may confuse your children or make them feel afraid of always overstepping boundaries. At the same time, having too many rules can further complicate the situation. Establish a handful of simple but important boundaries for your children to always follow. These rules may apply to many different situations such as knocking on closed doors before entering a room. Make sure that your children understand what each of these boundaries by discussing them together every now and then, even if your child never breaks those rules. This will simply help to continually enforce them. 

Practice Boundaries Together

Some of the most basic boundaries that you teach your children about politeness, privacy, and safety are ones that parents should practice in their own lives as well. Like the little knowledge sponges they are, kids are likely to pick up habits from observing their parents. Practicing boundaries together will demonstrate to your children exactly what you're wanting them to do. While you are the parent and should take charge of the situation, remember that you're also the most important role model that your children have. They'll always look to you for how to handle lots of different situations. 

One particular bit of guidance that your children will look to you for is how to apply boundaries when speaking with others. Kids learn communication skills through speaking with others themselves and observing how those most important to them talk to each other. If you know that the way you and your co-parent communicate involves frequent arguments or talking over each other, find a way to shield your kids from this type of communication. Communicating with your co-parent through the tools on OurFamilyWizard® can help you do just this by containing any conflict to one location where your children cannot see or hear it. This will help you to teach your children communication boundaries without parental disputes making things confusing for them. 

Take Note of Behavior

Many of your boundaries might be simple actions that you take for granted as an adult, but for a child just learning them, they can be challenging to understand. While following the boundaries shouldn't necessarily warrant a ton of praise, kids should be recognized for their efforts every now and again. Let your child know how proud you are of them for following the rules. Bad behavior, on the other hand, should also be noticed and handled appropriately. Yelling at a child or telling them how bad they are might have an adverse affect if your goal is to correct the incorrect behavior. The discipline might not have to be very severe, but it will send a message.

Boundaries for children set them up to thrive now as well as later in life. Adults encounter many of their own rules and guidelines for life, and having conquered the simple boundaries of childhood will have set them up to have an easier time navigating what they come across later on. These are simply meant to be suggestions as to how you may teach boundaries to kids. As always, speak with a professional such as a family or child therapist for the best guidance on how to set and enforce boundaries for your children.