Avoiding Common Child Custody Pitfalls

Going through a divorce or separation is never easy, and your emotions may feel very intense or out of the ordinary.  High tensions and hasty actions can make working out a child custody plan much more difficult.  Your demeanor during the time that your custody plan is being determined is crucial to its outcome.  While it may be easy to get overwhelmed by your feelings towards your ex-spouse or partner, you can avoid common child custody pitfalls by remembering what is most important now: paving the way to a new, sustainable life for your whole family. Here are a few points to consider in avoiding common child custody pitfalls:

Be involved, stay involved. A parent who is actively involved in their child’s life is more likely to remain as involved when the custody plan is put into place.  If you choose to be passive or take time off from being a parent, it is very possible that you will be granted less custody time as written in the order.  Play an active role in all aspects of your child’s life.  Help with schoolwork, have playtime, read together, and be where your child needs you to be.  Also, take measures to know other adults who are also involved in his or her life, such as teachers, counselors, or parents of close friends.  Being a consistent figure is healthy for your child and demonstrates how much you want things to remain this way.  

Advocate for your co-parent. Even if you’re not on the best terms with your ex, you should understand that as a parent, they - just like you - are a key figure in your child’s life.  It is in the best interest of your child to have a relationship with both parents.  There are certain circumstances where the involvement of one parent may cause more harm than good, but be rational about it.  If your child is in real danger when put in your co-parent’s care, that is true harm; but just because you don’t like your ex doesn’t necessarily mean that they are a danger to your child. The courts want you both to prove that you can work together as cooperative co-parents.

Stay cool, calm and collected. Treat your interactions with your co-parent the same way you would with a business associate.  Even if you are feeling stressed, you still need to remain calm and professional.  Keep your conversations to the point at hand, not straying off into heated topics. Save those conversations for your attorney or trusted family law professional.  If you feel a compulsive comment or particularly negative remark wanting to come out of your mouth, take a breath and think about whether what you’re about to say would do more harm than good.

Maintain records. Be aware of your actions and words, and how they may come back to you someday.  The same also goes for those taken by your co-parent.  Your interactions may be important for your case, so thorough documentation is important during this time. Be careful when having conversations through means such as phone calls or texting.  Details may be easily edited, deleted or completely forgotten when using unsecured methods of communication.  Use a secure forum as your means of communication.  Besides thoroughly archiving your correspondence, a co-parenting communication tool will keep things more organized for you, making it easier to retrieve your information whenever you need it.

To create a child custody order that you are satisfied with, you must show that you want to remain a consistent figure in your child’s life and be prepared to show evidence supporting this. If you have questions or concerns about your situation in particular, don’t hesitate to consult with a family law professional.  Someone such as a family law attorney or mediator can provide guidance and more tips to you on avoid common child custody pitfalls.