Teaching Kids to Share

For parents of young kids, it's a common occurrence to run into issues when it comes to sharing. Your child might be playing with a toy, and when another kid approaches asking to play with it or simply takes it, crying and fighting ensues. While this is not out of the ordinary, sharing is a skill that kids learn over time. Teaching kids to share is a skill that they can begin learning at an early age, and they are often able to learn more of these skills through their own experiences. As a parent, you will still play a role in teaching your kids to share, and there are several ways in which you can support their learning process while also letting them figure it out on their own. Here are some tips for teaching kids how to share.

Set a Precedent

Kids learn a lot by observing their parents, so when it comes to lessons on how to share, being an example for your kids will be very influential. You can do so in little ways that will make a bigger impact than you might expect. Ask your child if they'd like to share a blanket with you on the couch, or take turns choosing which book to read at night. If you are a separated or divorced parent who shares parenting time, your living situation provides an opportunity to teach your kids about how to share. Talk to your kids about how you both love them so much that even though you can't live all together, you share time with them so that both parents get a turn. 

"No" Isn't Always Bad

Some may believe that part of showing a child how to share involves a bit of force. For instance, when a child isn't sharing a toy, one might physically take it away from their child and give it to another. Forcing a child to share isn't the right approach to take, as it may backfire and teach your kids a different lesson. Watching their toy being taken away and given to another kid can make your child feel not just irritated but also like they were doing something wrong by saying "no." As an adult, there are many instances in which you might tell someone "no" if they ask to use something that is yours. While learning about taking turns with toys they share is important, kids shouldn't be made to feel like they can't refuse when someone asks to use something that they are not finished with. When kids are comfortable with saying "no," they should also be comfortable with hearing it said to them. Saying "no" shouldn't always be seen as being selfish but rather as a way to protect one's self and possessions. 

That being said, there are some instances in which "no" isn't the right answer. This might be when it comes to playing with a communal toy at school or something at home that your kids all share, for example. If you notice that your kids are having a hard time sharing those items and always refuse to give them up, you may step in to encourage sharing. Set a timer for a few minutes, and when the time is up, let it be another kid's turn to play with the toy. Later when that child's time is up, it might be your child's turn to play with it again. While teaching your kids how to share, this will also teach them that sharing doesn't mean giving something away. It'll come back to them when it's their turn.

Teach Responsibility for Personal Items

Just like how adults have special things that they call their own, kids may feel the same way about some items. It could be a special teddy bear or a toy truck that they love more than any other toy, and they never want to share it. It's okay for kids to have a couple favorite toys that they prefer to keep for themselves, but they should learn how to be more responsible for those items. When your kids are going to have friends over to play, tell them to put away their special toys. They can take them out again once the other kids leave. If they do want to play with a special toy when friends are over, let your kids know that they will have to share it with the others who come over. 

Be a Cheerleader

It is not uncommon for parents to find themselves acting as a referee between kids when they begin crying or fighting over something due to not wanting to share. As a parent, you want to show your kids that it isn't okay to fight or whine when something doesn't go your way, and having the urge to teach that lesson is very common. While parental intervention may be necessary at times, there are many other moments in which the kids will work these situations out on their own. It is important for kids to have these moments in which they resolve issues independently without a parent stepping in. These moments provide an opportunity for kids to take the lessons they have learned about sharing and apply them to this situation. 

Seeing your child put a lesson your taught them into action feels gratifying and prideful. Parents spend lots of time stressing their kids to play nice and behave when it is equally, if not more, important to be praising good behavior. When kids are learning how to share, one of the best positions that a parent can play is as a cheerleader. If you notice that your kids were able to share and be respectful of the other kids at a play date, tell them how proud you are of how they interacted with the other kids. They will feed off your positive reinforcement, and your words will encourage them to keep up with what they've learned at future play dates. 

While parents create a guide for their kids to follow, learning how to share is something that they will mostly figure out on their own. Through observation, learning when it's okay to say "yes" and "no", and the positive reinforcement by their parents, parents can teach their kids how to share and broaden their social skills.