Teaching Kids Positive Talking Skills

Parents talk to their kids about so many different things every day, but something they might not always think about the way that talk affects a child's development. Kids soak up knowledge from all over the place, but the time they spend hearing their parents talk is a fundamental part of their development. When kids hear their parents talking in a negative way about something, like their other parent, this has a bigger impact of the child's way of thinking than one may think. It is important for co-parents to keep in mind how this kind of talk can affect a child emotionally now and into the future, and being aware and mindful about how you talk to your kids is one of many positive parenting strategies. As a parent, you can encourage positive ways of talking in your kids by teaching appropriate ways to handle emotions, to think critically, and to be honest. 

It isn't always easy for one to control their emotions and hold one's self back from saying something negative. While this is true, when it happens all the time or especially around one's kids, the repercussions of what was said can be greater than one might imagine. Kids might observe conflict at school or in a store, but when it happens between their parents within the home, it's not easy for them to just brush off and forget about it. As a parent, it is important that you are aware of how the way you speak will greatly influence your kids emotionally and in the way they handle talking to others. Teaching kids about how to handle their emotions in different situations will help them in nearly every aspect of their lives, and part of teaching this means putting it into practice in the home. Try to work with your co-parent to find new ways to communicate more amicably. If the other parent is not interested in finding new ways of talking with you, at least do what you can to keep conflict out of earshot of your kids. If you talk to your co-parent during times like custody exchanges or school events, limit your conversation topics to only neutral subjects. Save more complicated topics for a different time and place where your kids cannot observe any possible conflict that might occur. As kids observe their parents putting emotional control into practice, they are also likely to mirror that kind of control of their own emotions. You can further the teaching of emotional management to your kids by talking to them about it. When you see your child frustrated or talking in a negative way about something, ask them about it and talk it out. You can even give your child examples of things that make you feel stress and how you handle it, making sure that your examples don't mention their other parent. For example, you might talk about how frustrating it is to be stuck in traffic on your way to work or think of an example from your childhood where you worked out an issue with a friend.  

Another important lesson related to handling emotions is teaching your kids how to think critically about what they say to others. It's not hard for any person to be caught in the moment and say something that they wish they could take back. This kind of talk frequently occurs during moments of conflict. Everyone has experienced moments like this, but the best thing that parents can do is to teach their kids how to think critically about what to say in certain situations. For instance, an argument is not easily resolved when those who are fighting continue to jab each other with mean-spirited comments. These kinds of situations will often times turn into something much larger than the way they started simply because no one was willing to try and work things out. One part of critical thinking means to know whether or not what you're going to say has any relevance to what you're really talking about. Another part of it is knowing what is appropriate to say in a given situation. To help your kids learn these skills, talk about manners and how to be cordial to others. When your child says something inappropriate or mean-spirited, don't immediately punish them for it. They must understand why it was wrong before they can learn how to avoid saying the same thing next time. Talk to your child about the situation and discuss what they could say if they come across a situation like that again. As you help your child learn how to think critically, remember to practice this skill yourself. If you find that you have a hard time talking to the other parent without saying something that furthers the conflict, choose to converse through a means that allows you a chance to evaluate what you say before you say it. Online messaging lets you see what you are about to say before sending it. Some messaging tools have extra features to help you examine the tone of your message. One such example is ToneMeter, which is a built-in tool to the OurFamilyWizard message board. It examines a message before it is sent, flags phrases that could be perceived as emotionally-charged, and allows for an opportunity to rephrase those parts of the message before sending. Visually indicating points in a message that could create more conflict gives you an opportunity to critically think about what you are about to say and be confident about the tone in which you are using. 

While teaching your kids strategies to have control when speaking to others, you must also teach them the importance of honesty. Being able to be honest is an important trait that sticks with a person throughout life, but it is not something that simply comes naturally. Kids learn about honesty from those around them, particularly their parents. Parents and their kids should be able to speak honestly with one another, even if the truth is sometimes hard to say. Encourage your kids to be honest by practicing honesty in your own life. Answer the questions your kids ask truthfully, while still being mindful to shield your kids from information that might cause more hurt than necessary. Talking about the details of why you and their other parent are in an argument is more information than they need to know, but that doesn't mean that you should lie or dismiss their questions. You can still answer more difficult questions in a modest tone. In teaching honesty, maintain the lessons of cordiality and critical thinking by choosing the right words to describe how you are feeling. By being honest with your kids, you are encouraging them to be honest with you and those around them. 

Talk is an important piece of child development, and the way that kids observe their parents talking has a huge influence on this process. Fighting between parents can hinder emotional development in kids, but certain parenting strategies can help to decrease the conflict between parents and the emotional stress felt by the kids. As a parent, continually teach your kids strategies for handling emotions in a positive way. Be a model of critical thinking by choosing your words wisely. Finally, show your kids the importance of honesty by practicing it yourself. All of these parenting strategies will help your kids, and even yourself, to learn vital speaking skills that will play a positive role in your lives now and in the future.