Stepfamily Dynamics
Here is some advice to help you with improving step family dynamics. Improving the way a step family operates can be made much more simple by controlling expectations and avoiding misunderstandings.
Step families are not the same as traditional families. In fact, they often work in quite the opposite fashion. Instead of a gradual building of trust and understanding as well as natural bonding, instead everyone is thrown into the mix with all of their previous experience. This can make accepting living habits and behaviors much more difficult to manage.
Often their can be expectation that the adult's new found love should be adopted by those entering this new blended family relationship. Love for new step siblings or step parents is slow gradual process that will depend on many factors including the children's ages, amount of time spent together and ability to develop a sense of closeness.
A way to help encourage a positive relationship between the stepparent and the child is to let the biological handle the disciplinary actions at the beginning. After a more substantive has been achieved it may become appropriate for the step parent to become involved. A good way to make this transition is to have the biological parent and step parent have regular discussions about the issues so that a common approach can be developed.
Another thing to consider is that a step parent should not interfere with the child's biological parents. Studies have shown that children flourish more easily if they have a relationship with both biological parents. As a stepparent, you should never try to replace the other parent and their role with the child. You will be much more appreciated as a step parent if you honor this relationship.
This also means making sure that children have access to both of their biological parents as they need it. Sometimes this may require deviating from an agreement, but if it changes are made for the benefit of the child it is the right thing to do.
There is miracle solution to becoming a respected and appreciated stepparent. It will take a great deal of time and effort. It will also require you to have thick skin. Children are children and will say hurtful things when emotionally charges. Just remember that you are the adult. As a stepparent, you will become the target of attacks. Children who are upset with the situation between their parents may deflect their anger onto you.
You should also try to create some family traditions that exist for your new family structure. This could be a weekly pizza night or a monthly mini golf outing. Anything that you can do to create inclusive traditions that allow quality time to be spent together will help foster a stronger relationship. It comes down to being able to create happy memories together.