Talking to Your Parents About Divorce

Divorce is something that the whole family goes through, not just the parents.  If your parents are getting separated or divorced, you know this to be a fact.  Through the changes you’ve experienced and the emotions that you have felt, sometimes it might feel difficult to talk to one or both of your parents.  Instead of letting emotions build up, one step in moving forward through this awkward period is to start talking to your parents about divorce.  Bringing the subject of divorce into the light may relieve tension while helping both you and your parents understand each other’s feelings.  If you would like to start talking about divorce with your parents, here are a few things to think about:

Think about how you’d like your talk to go.  Consider your upcoming conversation to be a calm, constructive talk instead of a fight where anger and frustration take control.  Know what you’d like to say to your parents.  Keeping these topics in your mind might help you to keep a clear head and guide you through the talk.

Let your parents know how you really feel.  Before you begin, ask your parents to just listen to what you have to say first without interrupting you.  It is important that your parents know how the divorce is affecting you, so speak openly about this during your talk.  Talk about your concerns, fears, or anything else that worries you.  Again, stay calm throughout talking to your parents.  Your calm attitude will likely rub off on your parents so that they also stay calm during the talk.

Ask questions sensitively.  It is important for you to get an understanding of why your parents chose to separate or divorce, but know that your parents might not be ready to talk about all of the details.  Instead of asking for all the facts, ask your parents about how the divorce is making them feel so that they have a chance to express some of their emotions to you.  

Work out plans for the future.  Talk about things that you’d like to do with either of your parents and about things you’d like to do just for yourself.  This is an opportunity for you to put your expectations out into the open and to ask for things you’d like to see happen as time goes on.  Also, talk to your parents about anything that you’d like to see stop moving forward, such as saying bad things about each other in front of you or making you their messenger.  It might even surprise your parents to realize that they are doing this, especially if they hear it from you.

Keep in mind that if it’s too hard for you to bring any of this up with either of your parents right now, you should try talking to someone else first.  This could be a close friend, relative or even your school counselor.  Your counselor might even have some more tips for you on how to start talking to your parents about divorce. It is possible for your family to go through this experience and get through it, and talking to your parents about it is a healthy first step to take towards moving through it.