The Ex-element
Ex-partners are not ex-parents. Studies that indicate that divorce is inevitably destructive to children are not accurate. These results do not take into account the mediating effects such as pre and post divorce relationships, including co-parenting. “Of all the research on divorce, the most significant is the clear and consistent finding that children adjust best when both parents can remain involved with them and co-operate in child rearing.” (Goldsmith, Issacs, Montalvo & Abelsohn). The most important factor for child adjustment is reliable, non-conflcitual involvement with both parents. If you struggle with co-parenting with your ex, take responsibility for your side of the equation and put your children first.
Tips for communicating with your ex-spouse:
• Identify your triggers, understand and let go.
• Don’t take things personally.
• Paraphrase what you’re ex states to make sure you understand the messages he/she is attempting to convey.
• Give yourself time to think and respond. This will help take emotion out of important decisions.
• Admit your shortcomings and be forgiving.
• Use “I messages”. Avoid blame or comparisons.
• Text and email when possible and keep short.
• Try to identify how your ex is feeling and show empathy.
• Avoid going over the past.
• If you feel defensive or the desire to raise your voice, avoid reacting in the moment.
• Remember the goal is to come to an agreement, not to win!
“Don't let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you.”- Les Brown
Written by: Brigitte Wangberg, M.S., MFT
For more information from Brigitte:
Read Brigitte Wangberg's articles at the Phoenix Blended Family Examiner
| Advertisement: | ||
|---|---|---|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
